I owe you more than an apology — I owe you the truth about how I've been feeling ever since.

I didn't mean to hurt you. Not even a little. But the moment I saw that it did — I heard your voice in my head saying "you hurt me" and "I'm disappointed," and those words haven't left me since. They replay on loop. Like a voice note I can't stop.

Here is what you should know about me — and honestly, you already do — I am addicted to you. Properly. Deeply. The kind of addicted where when I'm jonesing and missing you, your voice is the only remedy that works. Nothing else. Not music. Not anything. Just your voice. Just you.

You're funnier than you think. And your smile — Kess, your smile and that dentition? (inhale… exhale). Genuinely.

You said you're already dealing with too much emotions — and that hit me differently. Because the very last thing you should ever deal with is pain that came from me. I don't want to be that. Not even as a joke. Not even for a second.

You said we'll be fine. I believed you. But I needed you to feel this — to know I didn't take it lightly. That it mattered. That you matter. More than I say. More than I show. More than you probably know.

I'm sorry, Mama. Genuinely. From the quiet part of me that only comes alive when you're around. 💜